Its been along time since I have felt comfortable enough within myself to come to this page. So, I'm just going to jump in with both hands, and my heart and begin anew.
But not before I thank those of you who wrote to me or left me a comment while I was hibernating in my own cocoon feeling uncomfortably numb. Thank you for letting me know you cared.
I've always been one to embrace life, and run along beside it, into the whispering wind of the "good within" which life holds, pushing me, forward.
However, now and then there comes a time you just have to slow down, step aside, STOP, and allow life to do the embracing. It will, and it does, and soon you feel your feet firmly planted again with the earth beneath you providing balance.
I sit with winter, peacefully, though I long for the scent of freshly turned earth, daydream about fields of flowers, and count the weeks until I can get my hands dirty playing in dirt again.
While facing forward, I walk a bit more cautiously and with intention into this new year. I choose to focus on change in my life. Knowing fully that the pressure I alone put on myself for perfection is a hinderance to my well-being, I take action towards change. Nothing is perfect, never will be, (except a mother's children, which is what my mother would have added to that statement). I have learned that certain things need not be done immediate, and can wait until tomorrow without it mattering, or making any difference in the big picture of living. Doing so has provided for me a space I needed, some down time to savor, some alone minutes that don't belong to another.
Within those free minutes of space and time I nurture my soul, breath in my passions, holding them on my breathe. This also gives me a chance to plant seeds of kindness that germinate without any tending. Since relaxing isn't a skill I've ever been very good or content at doing, I work at forcing the issue with myself to learn the how of relaxation, I know and understand the why. I needed something to do that I would find relaxing but something that I'd still feel I was "doing" so, I'm making a garden art journal.
After spending the first day of 2009 with my dear daughter who made a surprise visit home for the day only (we had a lovely time together), and spending that night with her creating art (her talents far exceed my deepest hope to reach), and with the encouragement along the way from a dear friend who lives in Berkeley, plus inspiration from my friend Loretta who not only I read at Pomegranatesandpaper but whom writes for Cloth Paper Scissors these amazing words that should make anyone believe that an artist is buried within themselves, I just GO for it. I don't have any idea what I am doing, except I know its relaxing and it's fun, fun, fun!
Theres always an available excuse when we don't WANT to do something in our life, and not having a room I could use as an art space was my excuse for along time to put away all my paper and pens, and ink and color that could become. But, my muse, (she can really be a pest sometimes) pushed this vintage table against the back wall in my kitchen and said, " USE IT, and leave it there. It doesn't hurt a thing being where it is."
It is here I sit to play and create whatever comes to the page, in the midst of this unusual cold winter we are enduring. Every day I spend a little bit of time here, or more likely late at night when the rest of the house sleeps. Some of the men in my life, (each of whom I cherish all their aspirations) my husband, my sons and my brother are sometimes quick to look over my shoulder and question, "But, what's the point?" The point is it's my time to do with as I wish, (firm advice from my muse who often has something of value to input). Arnie gets it, I think, maybe not what's on the pages, but that I need space and time that's my own before spring comes and I bloom at work once more. Won't be long now spring returns to me ______ (insert big smile that comes to my face when I think spring and sunshine, and pretties, and fresh veggies!)
My book is beginning to fill up, and with each page I do the writer in me has inspired the page and my intend is to put stories with the pages at some time perhaps.
Hesistant to show you, but this wouldn't be much of a Show & Tell if I only told and didn't show and it is afterall what I titled this post. So, here's a peak below.
the next two go side by side...the thought here is about harmony in a garden and the need to have both good bugs and bad bugs. You can;t have good bugs without bad bugs or the good bugs to eat. Garden party invite the good bugs, menu is the bad bugs.
and here I think I begin to get more in tune with lots of layers and just slapping paint on the page. These two also are side by side and go together and probably my favorite.
Of course there are fairies in your garden and if you aren't seeing any you aren't embracing all that is to be seen:-) Have you ever seen a garden fairy with crows feet or wrinkles? Of course not! They have all that natural goodness of herbs and flowers right at their fingertips to make them beautiful and to nurture their well being.
although there are more I think this is quite enough to post now. Except for these next two... which are dear to my heart, just collage in its simpliest of form, tender to me simply because on a day when I didn't think my Arnie would live until tomorrow I walked this field barefoot, feeling the need to ground myself and his life to the earth, and it was here I knelt to pray, alone. These are pictures of the zinnia field I took that day. Some of this is three demensional though it doesn't show well in this scan.
Hardly a weed in that feild to see that day though the weeds in my life were strangling me. This brings me to quickly update that my Arnie though he has and always will much to deal with healthwise, is maintaining. Thank you God and all of you who keep him tucked in thought and/or prayer. He/we are still caring for a wound, SINCE June when these pictures were taken. We are both becoming strained from the process of no adviced treatment working to get it healed! Hence he remains pretty much bedridden. There are times I have to pick up his spirit and hand it back to him but all in all he is NOT and well could be a nasty, grouchy, angry, miserable person. I think I might be if the table was turned and I faced everyday as he has to do. Thank you again for your prayers and good energy that kept him with us this year.
Well, it felt good to walk back in here after such a long absence. I hope you enjoyed stopping by too and I thank you for coming. Please leave me a comment so I know you were here. May you wrap yourself in warmth while we head through winter which soon will turn the corner towards spring. I'l be ready to welcome her return.
Carolyn, I just popped in here to see if you had been back, and found that you are. So good to hear from you again on your journal page, and I love what you are doing with your garden art journal. This winter has been so cold and I'm working on the quilts and trying to stay warm. Good wishes and prayers for Arnie and for you too.
Posted by: sheila | January 21, 2009 at 12:50 AM
So good to see your post first thing this morning! Your journal is gorgeous, glad you're having so much fun with it, we all need a space that is all our own to create and reflect...
Love, Tiffany
Posted by: Tiffany | January 21, 2009 at 05:47 AM
Your wonderful pages express so well the positive attitude you have about life, even a life with daily difficulties. I'm so happy to know you've created a small corner and and carved out a little bit of time just for yourself. Giving to others is wonderful but the well runs dry if we don't give to ourselves once in awhile.
Now lets see more pages!
Darla
Posted by: Darla | January 21, 2009 at 07:45 AM
Wonderful, wonderful work. I love the lavender page, and your 2 favorites as well. This must be very satisfying for you to create these on your un-gardening months. Keep it up and please show us more. I can see these images used on the covers of gardening journals, so you may have a new job!
Posted by: kenju | January 21, 2009 at 11:11 AM
Carolyn, I am so happy to see you posting. I have you in a list of the blogs I follow on my own blog and each time I go to my blog, I check to see if you have posted anything new. It is my way of worry, wishing to see something new so that I will know you are okay. Hugs to you and to Arnie for all your struggles. You are an amazing woman and an inspiration to me each and every day.
You gardening journal is beautiful and makes me long to get my fingers into some paint and paper. The computer is a much neater way for me to create and one I am sure my husband, who always has to dodge my messes, is very grateful for. But me, I sometimes long to have paint under my nails and hear the quiet sound of a paint brush sliding across a piece of paper. I'm excited to see more of your journal as you are willing to share.
Know that you are often in my thoughts and I pray only good things come to you.
Posted by: Cari Spano | January 22, 2009 at 08:45 AM
Your pages sing garden right off of them. A love of garden, the sweet feel of warm earth (summer), the joys of touching and feeling and smelling and loving it all. It's so good to have you back here and we've missed you. The little corner you've made for your art work is just what you have needed - and the creativity it has inspired or made easier to bring forth is very evident. Thanks for sharing. Lovely, just lovely.
Posted by: Ardi | January 22, 2009 at 10:21 AM
So beautiful, Caroline. I especially like the Garden Fairy page. Thank you for sharing your pictures and words.
Posted by: Gina | January 22, 2009 at 12:43 PM
I'm so very, very glad to know that Arnie is still with you. When you didn't post for so very long, I was so afraid that you had lost him. You've no idea how glad I was to read to the end of your post and find an update to his condition. And your pages are gorgeous!!
Posted by: Joan, in Huntsville | January 22, 2009 at 06:03 PM
So good to see you back, Carolyn. You are a masterful artist journal maker. I love each and every page and I am touched by your words. I know you are longing for spring and it will come before we know it. I hope Arnie's doctors start paying more attention and get to the bottom of the non-healing wound. He suffers enough without it.
Love you, Carolyn. You are an inspiration to so many of us. Judy (Kenju) sent me a link to your blog not knowing I follow you already. I have to change your title in my blog list. I'm still calling it Plenty of Thyme.
Posted by: Fran aka Redondowriter | January 22, 2009 at 07:46 PM
Beautiful writing, and beautiful journals. I visit from time to time, and am glad you are able to get back to enjoying your creative time.
Posted by: Holly | January 22, 2009 at 09:41 PM
Carolyn,
It made me happy to see your delightful pages. I'm so glad you're taking time daily for this. Like with your gardening and homemaking, in your art journal, you are doing beautiful work.
Blessings,
Betsy
Posted by: Elizabeth Libbey | January 22, 2009 at 10:28 PM
I'm so glad I came here tonight. Your art journal makes my heart smile. Glad that Arnie is maintaining his spirits -- even if sometimes you have to help lift them back up. But then you do that with such compassion and grace.
CJ Linda
Posted by: Linda | January 23, 2009 at 01:51 AM
Dearest Carolyn.
After your long blogabsent, what a wonderful way to come back. Your pages are just YOU. Thanks for sahowing. You have really inspired me today, more than you will ever know!
Posted by: Britt-Arnhild Lindland | January 23, 2009 at 11:10 AM
Your pages just made me smile and smile. They are so filled with beauty, with love, whimsy, and just plain ol' spring. They reassured me that your inner spirit is alive and well and beginning to pop its head above the deep winter frozen soil.
My love to you and Arnie and the kids,
Posted by: Loretta M | January 23, 2009 at 06:37 PM
Carolyn, I love your garden journal. It makes me want spring to hurry up and get here. Now that I live in Northern Virginia instead of Iowa, I am looking forward to a longer growing season. Beautiful pages!
Posted by: Connie Saunders | January 25, 2009 at 10:15 AM
Dear Carolyn,
Your blog is like a field of sunflowers that warm the heart and fill the mind with good thoughts!
I saw a whole vase of them just yesterday in the grocery store and thought of you and hoped that you are all well. Your art journal is really inspiring! It sounds like you are in a good spot...your own corner at home to create.
Thank you for sharing...you have been missed!
Leslie
Posted by: Leslie Garcia | January 26, 2009 at 03:35 PM
Carolyn, it was such a delight to drink in your wonderful pages. You've brought sunshine to my very dreary day. Thank you.
Thinking of you and Arnie,
Debby
Posted by: Debby | January 26, 2009 at 08:37 PM
My Dearest Carolyn.
Looking at your art always reminds me of how special you truly are and how blessed I truly am. Your words are touching and your art amazing. The pages of the zina field touch my heart...June 2008 when i was in the hospital...GOD answering your prayers as u knelt in the field. My Sweet Carolyn you are a gift to the world and a blessing to my life. Everything and everyone you touch becomes better thank you darling for enbracing me and making me better.
Posted by: Arnie | January 29, 2009 at 12:11 AM
I love your collages, Carolyn! We all need this "my special space" to create. Keep it up!
Posted by: Boyd | February 02, 2009 at 10:57 AM
Hi Hun...It is great to have you back. Although I have never left a comment before (I am still finding my feet in this world of blogging)I have visited your page many times.Your warmth and love shines through your page and brings a smile to many. I love your art work.Love, light and blessings to you and your family. Mrs Snow.
Posted by: Mrs Snow | February 06, 2009 at 09:18 AM
Beautiful pages. Sending positive thoughts you way :)
Posted by: Felicia | February 11, 2009 at 07:57 AM
I lurk here. I'm just saying hello and want to lend support to your writing/art/journaling. You're right... it's just fun.
Posted by: kim | February 16, 2009 at 03:43 PM
I am glad to see you are still here and sad to see you are going through a tough time. I hope it will soon be brighter. You definitely have had a hard road
Posted by: Rain | February 22, 2009 at 10:41 PM
Hi there Dear Carolyn,
I'm glad you've shared your wonderful journal, and gladder still, just to know that you are taking time to explore this part of yourself.
I wish you all the best, always. Love to you and to Arnie.
xo
Posted by: Lena | March 07, 2009 at 01:58 AM
I hadn't checked on you for a long time so it was fun to see you again! I love your book and it inspires me to do one also. So many of the art journals that I look at don't bring meaning to me and yours does. Thanks and I send you prayers and encouragement. Gayle
Posted by: gayle | March 24, 2009 at 12:53 PM