Its been along time since I have felt comfortable enough within myself to come to this page. So, I'm just going to jump in with both hands, and my heart and begin anew.
But not before I thank those of you who wrote to me or left me a comment while I was hibernating in my own cocoon feeling uncomfortably numb. Thank you for letting me know you cared.
I've always been one to embrace life, and run along beside it, into the whispering wind of the "good within" which life holds, pushing me, forward.
However, now and then there comes a time you just have to slow down, step aside, STOP, and allow life to do the embracing. It will, and it does, and soon you feel your feet firmly planted again with the earth beneath you providing balance.
I sit with winter, peacefully, though I long for the scent of freshly turned earth, daydream about fields of flowers, and count the weeks until I can get my hands dirty playing in dirt again.
While facing forward, I walk a bit more cautiously and with intention into this new year. I choose to focus on change in my life. Knowing fully that the pressure I alone put on myself for perfection is a hinderance to my well-being, I take action towards change. Nothing is perfect, never will be, (except a mother's children, which is what my mother would have added to that statement). I have learned that certain things need not be done immediate, and can wait until tomorrow without it mattering, or making any difference in the big picture of living. Doing so has provided for me a space I needed, some down time to savor, some alone minutes that don't belong to another.
Within those free minutes of space and time I nurture my soul, breath in my passions, holding them on my breathe. This also gives me a chance to plant seeds of kindness that germinate without any tending. Since relaxing isn't a skill I've ever been very good or content at doing, I work at forcing the issue with myself to learn the how of relaxation, I know and understand the why. I needed something to do that I would find relaxing but something that I'd still feel I was "doing" so, I'm making a garden art journal.
After spending the first day of 2009 with my dear daughter who made a surprise visit home for the day only (we had a lovely time together), and spending that night with her creating art (her talents far exceed my deepest hope to reach), and with the encouragement along the way from a dear friend who lives in Berkeley, plus inspiration from my friend Loretta who not only I read at Pomegranatesandpaper but whom writes for Cloth Paper Scissors these amazing words that should make anyone believe that an artist is buried within themselves, I just GO for it. I don't have any idea what I am doing, except I know its relaxing and it's fun, fun, fun!
Theres always an available excuse when we don't WANT to do something in our life, and not having a room I could use as an art space was my excuse for along time to put away all my paper and pens, and ink and color that could become. But, my muse, (she can really be a pest sometimes) pushed this vintage table against the back wall in my kitchen and said, " USE IT, and leave it there. It doesn't hurt a thing being where it is."
It is here I sit to play and create whatever comes to the page, in the midst of this unusual cold winter we are enduring. Every day I spend a little bit of time here, or more likely late at night when the rest of the house sleeps. Some of the men in my life, (each of whom I cherish all their aspirations)
my husband, my sons and my brother are sometimes quick to look over my shoulder and question, "But, what's the point?" The point is it's my time to do with as I wish, (firm advice from my muse who often has something of value to input). Arnie gets it, I think, maybe not what's on the pages, but that I need space and time that's my own before spring comes and I bloom at work once more. Won't be long now spring returns to me ______ (insert big smile that comes to my face when I think spring and sunshine, and pretties, and fresh veggies!)
My book is beginning to fill up, and with each page I do the writer in me has inspired the page and my intend is to put stories with the pages at some time perhaps.
the next two go side by side...the thought here is about harmony in a garden and the need to have both good bugs and bad bugs. You can;t have good bugs without bad bugs or the good bugs to eat. Garden party invite the good bugs, menu is the bad bugs.
and here I think I begin to get more in tune with lots of layers and just slapping paint on the page. These two also are side by side and go together and probably my favorite.
Of course there are fairies in your garden and if you aren't seeing any you aren't embracing all that is to be seen:-) Have you ever seen a garden fairy with crows feet or wrinkles? Of course not! They have all that natural goodness of herbs and flowers right at their fingertips to make them beautiful and to nurture their well being.
although there are more I think this is quite enough to post now. Except for these next two... which are dear to my heart, just collage in its simpliest of form, tender to me simply because on a day when I didn't think my Arnie would live until tomorrow I walked this field barefoot, feeling the need to ground myself and his life to the earth, and it was here I knelt to pray, alone. These are pictures of the zinnia field I took that day. Some of this is three demensional though it doesn't show well in this scan.
Hardly a weed in that feild to see that day though the weeds in my life were strangling me. This brings me to quickly update that my Arnie though he has and always will much to deal with healthwise, is maintaining. Thank you God and all of you who keep him tucked in thought and/or prayer. He/we are still caring for a wound, SINCE June when these pictures were taken. We are both becoming strained from the process of no adviced treatment working to get it healed! Hence he remains pretty much bedridden. There are times I have to pick up his spirit and hand it back to him but all in all he is NOT and well could be a nasty, grouchy, angry, miserable person. I think I might be if the table was turned and I faced everyday as he has to do. Thank you again for your prayers and good energy that kept him with us this year.
Well, it felt good to walk back in here after such a long absence. I hope you enjoyed stopping by too and I thank you for coming. Please leave me a comment so I know you were here. May you wrap yourself in warmth while we head through winter which soon will turn the corner towards spring. I'l be ready to welcome her return.